Perusing the various Facebook Wedding Groups that I belong to, I came across a feverish and interesting topic about kickbacks & venue “preferred vendor lists”. I usually don’t publicly (at least on the open ‘net) discuss industry practices because it can come off as, well, rather “Gossip Girl-ish”
But this is something that I’ve been hearing a lot about and thought I would throw my two cents in. I’m a “tell it how it is” kind of gal and if I offend you, drop me a note in the comments and tell me why.
Kickbacks/Commissions
First off, I do not accept any type of kickback, commission, first-born child or any other type of compensation (unless it is a box of sugar cookies) for referring business to another wedding partner. It’s not ethical and quite frankly is deceitful to my clients.
In my opinion, the honorable wedding partners I spoke with do NOT accept commissions or kickbacks. We all prefer that our partners spread the love to our clients. Our job as wedding planner’s is to bring the best talent within the couple’s budget to produce an amazing day.
How creepy would it be that we only referred people that paid us? To me, seems a little “Pretty Woman-ish”
I prefer to work with wedding partners that share similar work practices and of course, are just way kick-ass. Who wants to work with a stuffy vendor that has an ego the size of the Empire State Building? I just think that if we were all up-front about our business practices it would change the perception that our industry is filled with greedy money-grubbing business owners.
Trust me, I get that businesses need to create additional revenue streams by having strategic partnerships, but I don’t condone the practice of hiding the manner in which “preferred vendors” are selected. There are other ways to create these lists. Oh, I don’t know, how about getting to know smaller businesses on a personal level? Even the Ritz Carlton had to start out somewhere.
It is my business practice to be fully transparent in my services, business referrals and policies. If you want to know something, just ask me. I’m an open book with nothing to hide. Want to know if I lived in a trailer in Wyoming when I was a kid? Yep, sure have. Want to know if I have ever been in a really crappy relationship? Yep, that too. And I don’t regret either. I digress….
Venue’s Preferred Vendor Referral Lists
The wedding industry HAS to rely upon referrals/recommendations to sustain our business; we just cannot live without them. I personally would like to think that if I am recommended by another wedding partner, it is because they know that I will work my ass off and will protect THEIR reputation by doing so.
I truly believe that it is a two-way street. Why would you want to hire somebody if you don’t trust them to make YOU look good? I think this is Business 101, peeps.
With that being said, many (not all) venues have started creating “Venue Referral Lists” that are extremely misleading, in my opinion. Engaged couples have no clue that many times, vendors are PAYING (yes, paying!) either a flat fee or a percentage to be named as a “preferred vendor”. (I actually just spoke to a caterer this afternoon who confirmed this)
Seriously? Now, I have to PAY somebody to “like” me? This girl doesn’t play that game. This methodology frustrates me because this practice creates a perception that venue referrals are based on their merit and not the checkbook of the wedding vendor. Engaged couples are being misled. What happens if a couple decides to work with me only to find out that I’m not on the venue’s preferred list? The couple isn’t going to change their venue simply because I’m fabulous, although that would be super-cool. The couple is unhappy, the venue is being stubborn and I’ve lost out on potential business.
Doesn’t really seem to be a great idea.
Your Turn!
Has this ever happened to you? Have you had clients who were interested in hiring you until they found out you weren’t on their venue’s preferred vendor list? What happened? Did you lose the job? And for those of you who may be on a venue’s preferred vendor list, please share your position – always curious to know what I don’t know.
Colorado Weddings 
Well said, Heather. I could not agree more. We should be recommended because of our experience, abilities, resources, personality, value .. the list goes on and on. I am completely against others making extra money on the side for referring another vendor. It is a team effort to put on any sort of event and all participants fortunate enough to work with any given client need to charge a fair amount that they feel covers their time and is a fair value for their product or service. In the end, not only do our potential and existing clients lose, we lose as well and we taint our industry so that there is a sense of distrust and greed. Is that really the impression we want to make? There are so many honest, reputable, quality professionals in the event industry in every category and I trust they continue to operate their businesses and treat their industry partners and clients with the same integrity and and values while those making decisions for selfish reasons and making money on the backs of others secretly realize this is not an ethical business practice.
Thank you Jessica! Bottom line is I want to work with honest & transparent partners and if that means I’m not included on those venue lists that require payment, then so be it.
Well said. I want to referred because I AM preferred; not because I paid to be on a list. Weirdly enough, I am referred by several venues who have these lists in place because the banquet directors don’t like the people who have paid to be on them.
As professionals, it would be a good addition to our ‘sales’ talks with all our clients. Letting them know that ‘preferred vendor’ is code for ‘advertiser’ is something we should all try to do.
Thank you Celia! That’s great that you are still receiving referrals from those venues even though you’re not on their list. This can imply that the venue management is making decisions on who to include on their list but the “worker bees” know a few things or two. :)
I have talked about this for some time and wrote a piece about it in this article http://is.gd/o274iK It is the part of the business I HATE, some venues force the couple to use their “preferred” vendors. This also appears in editorial, many magazines abroach me and say if I advertise then they will do a piece on my company and someone I know just got on Grace Ormond’s recommended list and they charged him money!
Couples just need to be aware, I tell them to ask pointed questions to the one who is referring, if they know very little of the company or give generic answers they are most likely being paid
Thanks Robert for your input! I agree that couples should have clear questions about the selection process for venue listings.
I love this article Heather – great job on putting it together.
I am cautious, however, to call “preferred vendors” “advertisers” as one reply suggests or say that all paid lists are bad (though I do agree, most will take anyone who pays and are misleading). I’m listed as a preferred vendor on various venue lists, and only one have I paid to be on. For those where I was put on the list at no cost — this is based on my work ethic, experience at the venue, and ability to protect the venue while accommodating the clients’ requests. For the one I’ve paid for, it is because I’ve worked at the venue, love the venue, want to do more events there and, unfortunately, there is no other option for being listed than to pay to be on the list. I do also have the support (again because of my ethic, experience, and relationship with them) of the administration of the venue since they’ve seen me in action. I’ve obtained 6 clients as a direct result of that one list and to each, I have explained during the initial consult of why I’m on the list (that I’ve worked there, love it, and decided to pay the venue’s fee to be on the list to help advertise my business). Yes, it is a form of advertising in this sense. But having obtained 6 clients directly because of being on the list is something I don’t find necessary to turn away from. I feel that by disclosing what the list really means upfront, before the client contracts with me, I am fairly representing why I’m preferred (though, they can call the venue and receive verbal backup of my experience and abilities).
Thanks MP for stopping by! I agree that not all venues “preferred listings” are as a result of payment. However, I still think that venues should disclose their “preferred vendor” policies to their customers. I don’t think the burden should like on the customer to ask those questions. Sort of like TV commercials for game shows – “Promotional Consideration Provided By”. This lets the audience know that those businesses paid/donated their services/products to be included.
Question for you? Do you feel that paying to be a part of the venue’s list is worth the business you receive from that listing?
The paid lists (and the glossy marketing books that publishing companies keep pitching to venues) are such a sham. They’re unfair to the couples, who perceive those lists and books as some indication that a venue really trusts the vendors, which isn’t always the case. They’re unfair to the really *great* vendors out there who lose out on referrals because they refuse to pay. And, truth be told, they’re unfair to the crummy vendors who do pay — because, if the “deal” is that they pay a fee to be referred, and then the venues go around that deal and refer who they want to refer anyway, the paying vendor is being screwed. It’s crappy all around, and it really needs to change.
We all should be running our business in such as way as to earn a fantastic reputation for quality, service and integrity. We should be pricing our goods and services in a way that reflects the value of that reputation. We should be earning our living through that pricing, and not padding it through kickbacks and shady fees that damage the industry as a whole.
Thanks for commenting Jennifer! Really appreciate your input and wholeheartedly agree!
I completely agree with your sentiments. I enthusiastically recommend vendors I’m passionate about, and hope that they do the same for me. With that said, we are on “preferred vendor” lists with number of venues and other vendors locally because, as mentioned before, they love working with us and know that their clients will be very well taken care of.
I have certainly heard about vendors paying to be on preferred vendor list, but don’t know of any such lists personally. My concern is that your article and it’s title — even though you do state that not all preferred vendor lists are paid for — might cause couples to mistrust a genuine recommendation they might receive venues that come in a form of a list. ;-)
Thanks for your comments Katya! I agree with you in that not all venues charge vendors to be on their lists, but this is something that I can tell you many couples are not aware of. It behooves them to ask these questions to all vendors, including caterers, photographers, entertainment, etc.
The purpose of this article was to highlight this dishonest practice, in my opinion. I wanted to highlight that this occurs and yes, while not all venues participate in this practice, it does happen; and our clients need to be aware.
You’re preaching to the choir, in my case. I’m with you 100%. In fact, I wrote a blog entry on the same subject a while back: http://memorableceremonies.blogspot.com/2010/02/beware-for-profit-preferred-wedding.html
The paid vendor list is a pet peeve of mine, so I’m delighted to see other wedding vendors of integrity speaking out against it. Nicely done.
Thank you for the kind words Maureen! I’ll be sure to stop on over to you “place” and check out your article.
Well said! I want my clients to know that everyone I refer is someone that has standards and the work ethic that I embody and will care for them like I will. Paying to be a preferred vendor is not the way to go.
Hi Juanita! Agreed and thank you for commenting! I love hearing comments, both pro and against….Thanks!
I have one word – A-men. Of what value is it to our clients if we are taking kickbacks or commissions? Being transparent is way more value to both us and them.
Thanks Brit for your comments! I appreciate your time and input. :)
Yeah I know oneortwo venues that have paid vendor lists, not with any of those. The one venue that I’m the featured photographer for is purely because of the quality of my work and the service I provide to my clients, which is also their clients. Heck I book a few weddings a year from clients who decide against the venue but value their opinion of me so much they hire me regardless.
It’s a you call though, I can see the advertising argument to a point, but it breaks down if the only the paid list vendors are allowed by the planner/venue, at that point I think the paid lists become very unethical.
How did I miss this post when you first published it??? I love you so much for speaking about this topic that I would love to marry you in a non-commissionable venue! :) For everyone – this rule with venues often applies to the big ticket regulars like caterers and rental companies. It started with venues, but as a caterer, I am now getting asked this question by planners and other referrers. As such, any discounts offered to me by vendors I like and trust are passed directly to the client. I wish that the average couple realized that their weddings cost more than they need to simply because so many vendors need to pad their pricing to accommodate these commissions and kick-backs. It’s disgusting. Charge what you need to charge without taking money out of other people’s pockets!
I couldn’t agree more, Heather! Thanks for writing this and speaking out – that’s the way I like to do business and wouldn’t have it any other way!